Montag, 27. Januar 2014

to remember a butterfly

how important is it to be remembered?
the sacred act of writing down what you loved to do:
knitting, baking, sewing -
your life took place in a very narrow little box,
which I despised you for.
I will remember you for yelling at me,
for sitting at your sewing machine
or in front of the television,
for cooking without much joy,
for never answering my questions,
well, you answered them
by saying: I don’t know,
or: how am I supposed to know?
every time – no matter what I asked -
my questions made you feel stupid.

the sacred act of writing down what you loved to do:
which is hard for me.
I don’t know what you loved to do.
how am I supposed to know?
you were trapped in an existence,
where these kinds of questions were not asked.
and if anybody dared to ask, there was no answer.
you did not know what you loved to do.
you were like a larvae
trapped in darkness,
there was no clue to you actually being a butterfly.
I don’t suppose you knew.
so basically you never did what you loved,
until much later,
under a veil of heavy complaints,
you let in some light into your box.
you travelled: to Russia, to Spain, to Greece
you took love and airplanes and ships and
you sat on warm beaches, 
the only person fully clothed, 
because “sun doesn’t agree with me”.
you seemed so overwhelmed 
with who one/you could be,
there was joy and panic all at once.

how important is it to be remembered?
now that you are dying.
you turn, while doing it,
I don’t think, you admit yet,
that you are dying,
into a butterfly, graceful and shining.
one near day you will unfold your wings
and travel into eternity and
I will remember you (as a butterfly) -
which is very important!

so in the middle of life,
of this crazy, busy life we lead every day,
we are waiting for death
to come, and it is not a bad thing to do,
though it often is a sad thing to do.
sitting beside you hour after hour after hour,
watching your sleep, your pain, your suffering, I understand,
holding your hand, massaging your swollen feet,
that death is not an end, it is a continuation
of who we always were meant to be.
it might actually set you free!

© Susanne Becker


  1. My dear, this song make me sad! Life is such a drama...

    1. Only if we make it one! thats what I the end, everything has equal value and there is no more need for things like a drama :-)

  2. no more need for drama - beautiful, Susanne.

    1. You agree, I bet!!! You know that yesterday I acutally got to know that beautiful buddhist priest, I posted something from? That was sooo amazing. She acutally contacted me over FB and we "talked". I hate the internetz and then I love it again. Have a beautiful Day!!!